Ah, happiness. That oh-so-elusive element of life that we are searching for to the tune of more than $690 million worth of self-help books every year. To say nothing of the all-inclusive vacations to Mexico and that strange fascination we all have with The Happiest Place on Earth. But is it happiness — that euphoric, glorious, pulsing excitement that surges through us like a tidal wave?

Culture has conditioned us to think so. We are told in movies and radio ads and overenthusiastic Febreze infomercials that happiness is peaks of intense excitement — that trembling, count-down-the-days flutter you get before your first trip to Hawaii, or the butterflies in your stomach before your first date with your high school crush.

But every peak comes with a valley, both before it and after it. And in our constant, lifelong chase for the mountain peaks, we simultaneously drive our lives through twofold the amount of valleys — periods of lethargy, sadness, depression or emptiness.

That’s not to say that excitement is bad or that you should feel guilty for such moments. Rather, it’s important to know that excitement isn’t the true definition of happiness nor a marker of how happy you are. Nor should it be your end goal in your daily pursuits. Instead, we must be attuned to true, sustainable happiness and joy, which is found not in the steep mountain peaks, but in the rolling hills and sloping river lands. The landscapes of joy, if you will: A constant, never-ending field of contentment as opposed to peaks and valleys of emotions.

How to Move From the Mountain Peaks to the Fields of Joy

Right now, think back on some of the joyful memories you carry with you that still give you positive energy. For example, a rainy afternoon curled up next to the fireplace with a cup of tea and a book. Or a day of laying on the beach with your best friend and a few beers. These moments are the anti-definition of excitement, but have given you sustained joy long after the initial moment passed. In contrast, many of the most exciting events, like a well-deserved tropical vacation, leave you filled with even more longing.

Now that you’ve identified a joyful moment in your life, notice that it was not accompanied by an overwhelming rush of excitement. You probably did not jump and scream when given an afternoon with your book. And it’s likely that you didn’t even realize how joyful the moment was while it was happening. And therein lies the key.

Staying present. Recognizing the moment. It’s something that gurus and leaders discuss all the time, with many prescribing different ways of achieving “presence.” But it doesn’t need to be complicated. All you really need to do is notice every moment as it happens. No meditation. No chanting. No spiritual journaling. Simply look at a moment and say, “This is it.” Right now. And take pleasure in it, even in moments that previously seemed mundane. For example, recognize the blessings found in 10 seconds of peaceful respite at a red traffic light, and give thanks for the beauty in the sunrise on your morning commute.

You will be surprised at the level of happiness and joy that is available to you if you turn your view toward this present moment instead of being so focused on the future excitement you’ve been culturally conditioned to yearn for. And the more present you are, the more joy you’ll recognize. It’s like one of those photo illusions where once you see the hidden picture, you can’t stop seeing it. And there is an amazing level of happiness hidden in your everyday life.

Do you want to practice rushing to your car every morning, or do you want to practice peace and serenity?

When we learn a martial art, or ballet, or gymnastics, or soccer, we consciously practice movements in a deliberate way, repeatedly. By conscious, repeated practice, we become good at those movements.

Our entire lives are like this, but we’re often less conscious of the practice.

Each day, we repeat movements, thought patterns, ways of interacting with others. And in this repeated practice, we are becoming (or have already become) good at these things. If you constantly check Facebook or Twitter, that is practice, and you are forming that habit, though it’s usually not with too much awareness.

When you smoke, or eat junk food, or speak rudely to others, or put yourself down internally, this is something you are practicing to be good at. You may already be good at these things.

What if, instead, we practiced consciously, deliberately, and became good at the things we really want to be good at?

What if you first, above all skills, learned to be more aware of what you are practicing? What if constant conscious action is the skill you became good at?

If you could learn to take conscious action, you could learn to practice other things you want to be good at, rather than the ones you don’t.

What Are You Practicing?

Ask yourself these things throughout the day, to practice conscious action:

• Do I want to practice rushing through my morning, or can I wake a little earlier and simplify my morning routine so that I practice a slow, enjoyable morning ritual?
• Do I want to practice checking my inboxes when I first get to my computer, or can I do something better?
• Do I want to practice leaving dirty dishes out, or can I practice washing my bowl when I’m done with it?
• Do I want to practice leaving clothes strewn about, or papers lying on the counter, or can I take a few seconds to put them where they belong?
• Do I want to speak angrily to my kids or spouse, or can I speak to them with kindness and compassion?
• Do I want to practice complaining and self-pity, or can I practice gratitude?
• Do I want to practice rushing and being busy, or can I practice simplifying and going slowly?
• Do I want to practice eating fried foods, sugary foods, salty junk food snacks, fast foods … or can I practice eating whole foods, vegetables and fruits, nuts and beans and seeds?
• Do I want to practice surfing time-wasting sites, or can I practice clearing away distractions and creating?
• Do I want to practice watching mindless entertainment, or can I practice moving my body and exerting myself in activity?
• Do I want to practice smoking, or can I learn a healthier way to deal with stress?
• Do I want to practice shopping, or can I practice giving?

These are only examples … your life will show you what you’ve been practicing, and you can decide what you might rather practice instead. Or you might be completely happy with what you’ve been practicing.

How to Practice

The first step is always awareness. When you are conscious of what you are doing, you can decide whether this is an action or thought pattern you want to practice, or if there’s an alternative you’d rather be good at.

As you go through your day, practice this awareness. It’s the first skill, and it’s the most important one. Be aware, without feeling guilty or angry at yourself, of what you’re doing and thinking. You will forget to to this, but remind yourself. You might wear a rubber band around your wrist, or carry a talisman, or make tally marks on a slip of paper each time you remember.

As you get good at conscious action, start to practice those actions and thought patterns you want to be good at. Start to notice the ones you’d really rather not be good at, and see if you can deliberately practice other actions and thought patterns.

As you consciously, deliberately repeat these things, you’ll get better at them. It takes a lot of repetition to get good at a skill, but you’ve got time.

Important Conclusions

You won’t be able to change all your habits at once, and I’m not implying that you should try. The habit you’re really changing is consciousness, and practice. Other habits will be difficult to change, especially if you’re trying to change all of them, but it’s OK if you mess up. Give yourself permission to make mistakes without guilt, and instead just deliberately practice again, and again.

If something is too hard, and you can’t get it right no matter how many times you practice, you can try it in smaller steps. If you can’t quit smoking, try not smoking once, and instead relieving stress through walking or doing some pushups or meditation or self-massage. If you can’t quit junk food, just replace one snack with a fruit, or add a tasty veggie to your dinner.

I’d like to emphasize that this isn’t about perfection. There is no perfect way of life, and you don’t need to strive to be perfect every moment of the day. I believe you’re already perfect. This is just about conscious action, which is a useful skill to have.

Remember that we become good at what we repeatedly do, and what we do repeatedly can be done consciously. It’s when we’re conscious that we are truly alive.

‘If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.’ ~Dalai Lama